A Natural Progression
by Lily10
Summary: Senel and Shirley’s shindig is going to go down as the most epic wedding in the history of epic weddings. I predict great things happening. Like me losing my virginity. Or Moses wearing a shirt. // Norma first-person, pairings inside
1. Prologue

**Title**: A Natural Progression  
**Author**: Lily  
**Series**: Tales of Legendia (post-game; three years later)  
**Characters/Pairings**: Norma + Chloe friendship, Senel/Shirley, possible Walter/Chloe (yes Walter), allusions to Jay/Moses

**A/N: **I haven't played this game in ages, so please correct me if I make any mistakes besides the fact that in this fic, Walter is alive. Why? Because if Maurits can escape death than so can Walter xP This is also my first time writing in a first-person perspective and as Norma of all people, so constructive criticism is much appreciated. Thanks!

* * *

_**Prologue:**_

I knew any squishy, unrequited feelings of non-platonic love Chloe had for Senel were pretty much laid to rest the day he and Shirley sent us wedding invitations after three years of solid humming-and-hawing-whenever-someone-questioned-the-nature-of-their-living-arrangements and Chloe didn't go off on a murderous rampage or start waxing poetry to the stars or even gain fifteen pounds.

I was totally expecting one of the above reactions when I went to visit her in Gadoria before the two of us sailed off for the Legacy to join everyone else. I for one, wouldn't miss all the pre-wedding arrangements for the world. Kind of crazy that the wedding date is only a week away, but apparently, Senel and Shirley had originally (and predictably) wanted a really small ceremony with cheap flowers and close friends (in that exact order).

That is, until all the other Ferines heard and insisted on preparing one Big Fat Ferines Wedding because of Shirley's status and all. I don't know what a Ferenis-style wedding is like, but I suspect lots of water. But then Moses' clan of reject bandits also caught wind and were all '_Dude why weren't we invited? Didn't we help save the world too? Aren't we family too?' _Major guilt trip there. And of course, you can't invite bandits to your wedding and not invite Jay's talking otter family either because that's just plain rude and they had a hand in saving the world too. Problem is, they were kind of hoping for an Oresoren-style wedding as well, and no one with a heart can say no to their huge shiny eyes (making them the most powerful force in the world, screw Nerifes).

That was all jolly good but then someone had to blab to the Bantam Bouncers and we all know, nothing stays a secret with _those_ two around and within minutes, they were broadcasting a song, complete with fireworks and back-up dancers about Senel and Shirley's upcoming wedding ceremony to the whole town which made everyone from Mimi Baker to that Weapon Shop Owner mopey because Senel and Shirley were like the golden couple of Werites Beacon and attending their wedding was the _it_ thing to do until Shirley finally had a mental break down because of her 'need-to-please-everyone' complex and Senel screamed at everyone to shut up because they were all invited, to which, the entire population of Werites Beacon, the Village of the Ferines, and Oresoren Village joyfully threw their caps into the air.

Now I believe it's going to be a part-Orerines, part-Ferines, part-Oresoren wedding with an attendance of well over a hundred guests all packed together somewhere in Werites Beacon. How very culturally-enriching. Not to mention _kick-ass _(a bitch to plan though). Senel and Shirleys shindig was going to go down as the most epic wedding in the history of epic weddings. I predict great things happening. Like me losing my virginity. Or Moses wearing a shirt.

Haha Moses in a shirt. What a hoot.

_Anyways,_ back to the situation at hand. I came to Gadoria fully prepared to pig out and have my shoulder cried upon and establish late night girl talks reassuring Chloe how blatantly asexual Senny was and probably wouldn't know how to insert Tab A into Slot B anyways, while, in a fit of misplaced sexual tension, Chloe would fondle my hand and then I'd have to let her down gently and be all, _"Oh god C, I'm so sorry but I don't feel that way about you and I'm sure you aren't a secret lesbo either, you're just under a lot of emotional stress and I get that..."_

So imagine my surprise when she went to greet me at port not looking appropriately squinty-eyed and miserable after a crying jag but all _gushy gushy, smile smile,_ like the first time the talking otters started singing and sashaying their hips at us.

"Why are you smiling?" Were the first words out of my mouth.

Confusion muddled Chloe's features. "Because I haven't seen you in months Norma."

"You _are_ aware that Senny and Shirl are gonna tie the knot in the near future, correct?" I grilled her like Will the time Moses ate all the sandwiches and tired to blame it on a bear.

Back came the smile. "Yes of course - I'm going to be Best Man in fact."

I raised an eyebrow at that. Shirley had also written me a letter saying she wanted me as Maid Of Honor and I naturally assumed Chloe was going to be one of the bridesmaids too - but Best Man? Have they not _seen_ the fantastic lumps on Chloe's chest? Compared to them, mine are like retarded cherries.

Bitch.

(Hey its normal for females to stare at other females chests on a regular basis and measure their own busts in comparison, right? Its not weird that its automatically the first thing that I do right? No, no, I'm sure it's not.)

"Wow, pretty douchy of Senny." I responded.

Chloe gave me a Look. "Actually Norma, I'm honoured over my role."

"You're honored he considers you a man?"

_"No,"_ the Look morphed into a full on glare, "I'm honoured he holds me in such high esteem. Although traditionally, the title of Best Man is reserved for males, Senel felt comfortable enough to ask me out of everyone else. Which was well, very nice." There was a proud tilt in the way she held her chin.

Hmm, well I suppose Chloe is used to the whole 'gender-bending' thing, seeing as how she's a knight and all. Goodness knows Elsa creams in her pants every time Chloe looks at her.

Now that I think about it, wouldn't it be nice if Chloe had a little helping hand with her nonexistent love life (never mind that I'm nineteen years old and have yet to hold a guy's hand)? And no, I'm not saying that just for an excuse to play cupid (even though that is totally the case here). No, no, seriously, I am nothing if not a good friend and Chloe damn well deserved to be on some sunny beach with a slew of cabana boys at her beck and call, sipping alcoholic beverages with fake paper parasols in them made on the cheap. I mean, is it wrong to want a little bit of love and happiness for one's friend and have a little fun match-making her to possible suitors in the process? No. No, I don't think so.

But just to be safe, I won't tell her.

"Soo you're not going to cry on my shoulder and fondle my hand?"

"What?"

"Nothing."


	2. Chapter One

_**Chapter One:**_

Let it be known that shopping for the perfect wedding gift ain't easy.

"What about these?" Chloe asked, waving a pair of crystal candlesticks in my direction.

I paused and considered. And then I put my thumb down.

"Do you _really_ want to be the guest who handed over a set of candlesticks that'll get thrown in a cupboard and never be used again?" I said knowledgeably, and went to admire some opulent silk bed sheets until I realized it costed 800 gald. 800 gald! As if I was going to spend that much on Senny.

"Well… no." Chloe said morosely, looking slightly alarmed at the very idea and put the candlesticks back on the shelf.

"Hey C, look at this!" I yelled and held up a small satin pillow with little ruffles around the edges. "This is a 'ringer' for sure! Ha ha ha… get it? Ringer? _Ringer? _This is what the ring bearer carries!"

Chloe proceeded to pretend that she didn't know me. How rude.

"Oh check out these!" I held up a pair of oven mitts priced at a respectable 20 gald. "It's not costly _and_ it prevents their hands from suffering second degree burns while they cook potluck dinners."

"Oh Norma--- _oven mitts? _What did I tell you about being cheap?" Chloe admonished as she examined a couple of His and Her towel hangers.

"I'm not being cheap." I insisted sulkily, even though I was. "I just don't see the point in spending too much on money on Senny and Shirl. They're already going to get a bajillion presents from the other bajillion guests they invited to the wedding."

Chloe stopped poking around at some picture frames and looked at me with a serious expression on her face. "Well it's not like we _have_ to give them anything expensive —you know they won't really care if you gave them oven mitts...."

I nodded vigorously and waved the mitts like a victorious flag over my head.

"…_But _our gift to Senel and Shirley is supposed to be a symbol of our best wishes. The more thought we put into the gift, the more likely it is to reflect that message," she reached over to snag the mitts away from my grip, "Which means _no shortcuts_."

Curse Chloe and her consideration for others! Not to mention her inability to do things the easy way. Even I was starting to reevaluate what we should get Senel and Shirley.

"Okay fine. But if we're going to go with the whole '_thoughtful gift idea'_, I don't think we'll find one in here." I stated, gesturing at all the soulless merchandise upon the immaculate shelving within the small bridal store we were standing in. If we really were going to give them a present that represented our support for their union, we might as well do it right. I mean, can you imagine Senal pulling out a stupid clock and going, "_Oh what a thoughtful gift, it really shows that they care about us and have faith that this marriage isn't going to end in an uglyass divorce." _

"You know I think you're right." Chloe agreed.

"Of course I am. When have I ever steered you wrong?"

Chloe gave me a long look and didn't reply which left me feeling totally offended.

It wasn't until later that afternoon when we were getting ready for our boat ride to the Legacy that I came up with the most ingenious idea of what to get Senel and Shirley. Not only was it going to be hella sentimental, it wouldn't even cost me _one_ gald!

I was sitting on Chloe's bed, rummaging through my luggage for this awesome candy I brought with me that pop and crackle in your mouth so that I could freak Chloe out a little when I came across this present my parents bought me after I finally visited them and told them I graduated from the academy. It's this really fancy schmancy video camera and I guess it was their way of trying to make amends with me by showering me with material goods. Which hey - I've got no complaints with. It was actually kind of nice of them since after I mentioned that I was still planning on traveling and doing my crazy treasure hunting thing, they wanted me to have the camera to record my silly adventures so that they would be able to experience them too.

So yeah, here I was digging through my belongings and lo and behold - the video camera winks up at me from where I nestled it in a pair of shorts. And then I was struck by this totally spiffy idea - what if we went around and recorded messages of everyone we knew, wishing Senel and Shirley a happy marriage and all that jazz? Wouldn't that be nice? Wouldn't that make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

Chloe walked into the bedroom.

"Hey what if we went around and recorded messages of everyone we know wishing Senny and Shirl a happy marriage and all that jazz?" I piped up, showing her the camera.

Chloe's eyes widened. "Norma that's brilliant!"

"I know, right?"

"We'll all be able to express our feelings—"

"Senny and Shirl will be able to look back at our messages with fond contentment—"

"It'll give everybody a chance to participate—"

"And we won't have to spend any money—"

"Yes!"

"Ho snap!"

We both hi-fived each other, giddy with excitement.

"Okay you're up first!" I ordered, switching the camera on and focusing it on Chloe. "Go!"

"W-what? No!" Chloe started to flail her arms around anxiously. "I don't have anything written!" She tried to cover the lens with her hand.

I attempted to shift the camera away from her fumbling grasp. "C! Just act natural! You're supposed to say what's in your heart—"

But Chloe wouldn't stop acting camera shy so I had to turn the machine off and set it in my lap.

"Just give me some time to let me figure out what to say first." Chloe pleaded, blushing a little.

"All right all right." I conceded. "But you're not worming your way out of this."

* * *

I was planning on accosting Chloe again with the camera once we were on the ship but one look at Chloe upchucking her meal into the ocean below was all that it took for me to take pity on her. Clutching her stomach, Chloe rested her head against the side of the ship's railing, not appearing to care if there were splinters. At this particular moment in time, she looked like she just wanted to die and be done with it.

"I thought you sailed on ships all the time," I said, leaning against a nearby crate. "You've been going back and forth from the Mainland to the Legacy for ages. In fact -- the Legacy is one _giant_ ship."

Chloe opened her mouth to respond but a millisecond later, she was leaning over the edge, tossing up all the contents of her stomach into the open waters.

I wrinkled my nose. Ew.

After awhile, Chloe's face reappeared within my line of vision again, hair clinging all over her blotchy, sweaty face. Usually not what you would consider an image of desirability, and yet, she still looked hot.

I tried to wrap my head around it but ultimately failed to understand why Chloe still looked freakin' gorgeous even with remnants of food and bile dribbling down the side of her mouth.

Bitch.

It just wasn't fair. She was supposed to look like hell! Hell I tell you!

I watched as more wild strands of black hair fell over Chloe's face, curtaining her eyes and hiding her flushed expression. Physically-wise, Chloe hasn't changed much from the three years that I've known her. The only difference is that her hair is a little longer now — shoulder-length — and she doesn't wear the spandex suit anymore. Which was a shame, 'cause if anyone could pull off wearing spandex and not look like a turd, it would be Chloe.

The boat we were assigned to travel to Port-on-Rage was pretty monstrous and I mostly stayed on deck with poor Chloe. After about half an hour of watching her moan and dry heave and shudder every time she looked at the watery depths below, I pulled out a notebook and started jotting down notes of eligible bachelors to match Chloe with. It turned out to be a very pathetic list.

_Will._

Dullest. Man. Alive. The last thing Chloe needs is to have her pants bored off of her. In fact, that's probably how Will got his late wife to sleep with him in the first place. How else could he have impregnated her? He'd probably bored her to tears until she couldn't take it anymore and told him she'd shag him if he would just stop blathering about annelids. I _swear_, he gets more turned on looking at dinosaur fossils than naked, voluptuous chicks in all their fleshiness. The guy does sudoku puzzles in his morning paper -- for _fun_. It's true.

Plus, he has a kid. No one in their right mind would want to be saddled with Harriet as their stepdaughter. She's like, the devil incarnate, even more so now that she's became one big hormonal mess of teenage drama and angst. Some days I actually feel sorry for Will having to put up with the Devil Child on a daily basis. But then I remember that it was his punishment for the fact that he'd allowed for Harriet to be conceived in the first place.

_Moses._

………..

Right. Moving along.

_Jay._

Height issues and gender confusion aside (seriously, I thought he had a vagina the first time we met), the fact of the matter is — you _cannot _wear all that purple and _not_ be homosexual. You just can't.

Senel always tells me to leave Jay and his sexual preferences alone, that just because he preferred hot dogs over tacos during our last picnic outing, that it was not some sort of subconscious admission on Jay's part, nor should his food intake ever be considered as an adequate assessment tool to determine his sexual orientation. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay of course. I pride myself on being very open-minded and I'm 99.99% sure Jay already has the hots for Moses. That's what my gaydar tells me anyhow. They're probably playing sexy handcuff games as we speak. So no, despite Chloe's penchant for dressing like a male, she is still fundamentally a woman which makes her undesirable in Jay's eyes. And I'm sure Chloe finds miniature pasty faced stalkers who can still sing soprano just as equally undesirable.

_Alcott. _

He murdered her parents. Although she's let go of her revenge, Chloe's compassion doesn't extend _that_ far.

_Curtis._

There are precious few people in the world who could stand his constant crooning_. _Chloe would not be one of them. Besides, I think he's already shacked up with Isabella.

_Csaba. _

Fugly as sin. Sorry, but someone had to say it—

"What's that?" Chloe had dragged herself away from the railing and was now looking curiously at my list of Shaggable Bachelors.

Panicking, I crumpled up the incriminating notebook paper and stuffed it into my mouth.

Chloe stared.

"Mmmmrrrrffff." I blurted out and sprayed spit all over the place.

Chloe scrutinized me for several moments before finally shaking her head. "You know, I'm not even going to ask." She sighed, figuring whatever it was that went on in my head was best left the hell alone. "After you're done swallowing that ball of paper I just wanted to let you know that the ship is docking."

I looked around and saw that the ship was indeed docking. Huzzah! It must have been _months_ since I was last on the Legacy. I spat the soggy wad of paper over the side and then scanned the crowd for any sign of our welcoming committee.

"Hey, there's Teach and Red!" I pointed out at a couple of tall familiar forms standing on the rickety dock. "Oh and JJ." I added after seeing him materialize from the shadows. God he was such a creeper. I actually caught him climbing out of a trash receptacle once. It was very odd.

But at least Jay doesn't look so much like a b-boy as he used to (although, he is, by far, the most enjoyable person to watch in a fight. The guy can break-dance like it's nobody's business). He's still whiter than a rabbit in winter and wears too much purple for someone to take seriously, but he's long since ditched the baggy clothes and keeps his hair now in a braid that hangs all the way down to his butt.

Except for the receding hairline, Will looked more or less the same since I last saw him. And unfortunately, Moses was still as unkempt, moronic and shirtless as ever. Honestly, he's got the dress sense of a hobo — he was even wearing the exact same cow print pants that he's had on for the last three years.

"Teach! Your manboobs are as perky as ever!" Were the first words I said as I cart wheeled over to the three and reaching over to feel them up. Will batted my hands away.

"Norma, I'm not sure why you have such a fixation on people's chests, but I find it highly disturbing." He said dryly, as Moses laughed it up like a demented hyena in the background, which served as a nice contrast to the stoic dark-haired boy standing beside him.

"That's 'cause she ain't got nothing of her own to obsess over!" Moses exclaimed brightly.

I aimed a kick at his shin which he dodged, while Chloe moved on to exchange the usual '_How are yous' _to the others.

"At least I brush my hair," I retorted, gesturing to the crazy red mop hanging all over his head, "And wear deodorant."

"Why would I wanna deprive you of my intoxicating manly scent?"

I pretended to gag. "Oh it's toxic all right."

Moses' response was to grin stupidly and gather me up into a bone-crushing embrace. He smelled like wet dog and stale baloney.

"_Rape! _No consent!" I immediately shouted.

"Norma, quit the theatrics." Will said impatiently as if it was _my_ fault Moses was trying to molest me. He and Chloe and Jay were already starting to walk away.

"How the hell am I _supposed_ to act when some creepy dude is trying to rape me, huh?!"

"Aw c'mon Bubbles, you know you missed me." Moses whined and then threw me over his back, much akin to a sack of potatoes, as he trotted ahead and caught up to the others.

"Let me down pervert. You just want to cop a feel!"

Moses snorted but plopped me down all the same. "Trust me sweetheart --- there ain't nothin' _worth_ feelin' on your skinny ass." He snaked a hand to my side and deftly pinched my waist. "Not unless I wanna get impaled by your hip bones."

"You big _jerk!" _I all but screeched, scooping up a rock on the ground to throw at his stupid face. But before I could, Will appeared in front of us and gave us each a hard knock over the head with his mighty pimp fist.

"Cut it out the both of you." Will reprimanded us like two toddlers who didn't know any better. I rubbed the top of my head with a sour expression on my face, but I was secretly pleased all the same. The motion was so familiar and so Will-like that I wanted to kick my heels together in joy. Hitting people upside the head is Will's trademark _thing_, and it's become an unspoken rule that once Will hits you, that you're automatically a part of the gang. Kind of like an initiation. The only person he would never hit was G-Girl but that was okay, because hitting G-Girl was like hitting some sort of deity. Which, hmm, come to think of it, I guess she was, wasn't she?

"So where are Senel and Shirley?" Chloe inquired as we made our way out of Port-on-Rage and headed towards Werites Beacon.

"They're at home." Jay supplied.

I couldn't help noticing that Jay had yet to speak one word to me and stifled a smirk. He was probably stewing over Moses imprinting me with his BO. I surreptitiously sidled up next to him and compared our heights. Haha, I was still taller. Only by an inch, but hey — semantics, whatever.

"Yo JJ, have you had your growth spurt yet?" I said, cheekily patting him on top of the head like a puppy. He instantly glowered and swatted me away.

"Don't touch me --- you smell of _bandit_." Jay sneered (ooh he was jealous all right), just as Moses let out a short bark of laughter.

"Are you kiddin'? Little Jay still hasn't hit puberty yet!" Pulling out one of the throwing javelins that he carried with him on his back, Moses held it up like a measuring stick next to Jay. "Look how big my spear is compared to him!"

Red colored Jay's pale cheeks, but there was a dangerous glint in his eyes as he narrowed his gaze contemptuously. "Oh? And just what are you compensating for Moses?"

Everyone busted out laughing. Even Will couldn't help but chuckle while Moses tried to work out the meaning behind Jay's words.

"You win at life, JJ. You friggin' _win_." I said never feeling more happy to be back on the Legacy than right at this moment.

It was funny how easily we all fell back into our old routine of familial camaraderie, even after months of not seeing each other. The laughter, bickering and playful taunting felt like second-nature. But then I guess, we _did_ save the world about a hundred dozen times together. Those were difficult bonds to break.

* * *

We arrived at Senel and Shirley's rather miserable attempt of a garden to find a barbecue taking place on their lawn, complete with foliage and patio furniture and.....

"Ha ha ha ha!" I croaked, fist pounding Will's muscly back. "Senny grilling hamburgers! Domestication — for the win!" Now all that was missing was the '_Kiss the Cook' _apron and a cold beer in one hand.

"Nice to see you too Norma." Senel dead-panned as he — _pfft!_ — continued flipping burgers in a timely manner.

The moment Shirley and I saw each other however, we promptly squealed and tackle glomped one another into oblivion like a pair of giggling schoolgirls.

"Oh Norma how have you _been?" _

"Never mind me, _you're_ the one getting hitched! How are you? How are the wedding plans coming along?!" I screeched like a banshee.

"Oh!" Shirley smiled and looked embarrassed at the fuss but happy all the same. "Good, good. Thyra's been a big help."

Wait. Thyra?

As if summoned by the pull of Shirley's vocal chords, a long haired blonde with a permanent scowl on her face came over to give me an appraising look over.

"Ah…. Hey Tulip. I didn't know you were going to be here." I said, rather nervously. I don't know why, but Thyra's always had that effect on me. She gives off this impression that she's this blonde Godzilla who can't wait to tear your throat out and feed on your entrails if you so much as blink at her the wrong way. One time, I confessed my worries to Moses and he admitted that he felt the exact same way. Mind you, Thyra's mellowed out the last few years. She's not such a big racist anymore but neither is she any less snarky. But that could just be chalked up to her general personality.

Thyra narrowed her eyes at my nickname for her but other than that, did not bite my head off. "Hello." She replied stiffly.

"Thyra's been staying with us and acting as my wedding planner." Shirley continued on cheerfully. "I would've been lost these last few weeks without her!"

I nodded sagely. Of course Shirley would need someone cutthroat and bitchy enough to handle the high demands of managing such an Epic Wedding.

"Well _someone_ had to make sure this wedding didn't get overwhelmed entirely by the Orerines and Oresoren customs." Thyra responded.

I slowly began edging away in case she was going to get into a long rant about how the Orerines weren't fit to lick her shoes or something when I bumped into someone. Turning around, I nearly fell over in shock.

"_Wally?" _I gasped. Thyra and now _him? _Was there some sort of blonde convention happening in town?

Walter glared at me, but it was a sort of lazy, I'm-just-fulfilling-my-quota kind of glare. He didn't even bother to say hi — just swept away to stand alone across from where everyone else was gathered.

Chloe approached after lingering at the grill to say hi to Senel and I poked her in the ribs. "Do you have any idea why Wally is here?" But it was the Bride To Be who answered.

"Walter's been staying with us too." Shirley said in a hushed tone. "Maurits asked us and I couldn't say no."

"Why?" I whispered back incredulously. Walter was the last person I would ever picture helping to plan a wedding (let alone _Senel's_ wedding).

Shirley grimaced and lowered her voice even further until both Chloe and I had to lean in closer to hear. "Apparently, Maurits has been thinking that Walter's been working too much. Ever since… y'know…"

We nodded, indicating that we understood what she meant. The "_y'know" _Shirley was referring to was the incident way back during the rebellion of the Ferines when Walter very nearly killed himself trying to stop our group from reaching evil!Shirley. In fact, we really did think he died — after all, he did go _aargh_ and had his blood fall out and dropped like a sack of bricks in the middle of trying to punch Senel in the face — what were we supposed to think? Besides, we were more worried about getting to Shirley than checking his pulse. But yeah, needless to say, we all had a heart attack when like a year later, we accompanied Shirley on a visit to the Ferines Village and saw him walking around and Maurits was all, "_Oh yes, didn't you know? Walter's been recuperating for some time now." _Moses and I were actually convinced that it was Walter's ghost we were seeing until I threw an apple at his head to see if it actually went through (ghosts being transparent and all) and all it did was go thunk against his pretty blonde head, much to his annoyance.

"Well," Shirley continued, "Walter's always been pushing himself too hard because of all the pressure placed on him. All the pressure he puts on _himself." _At this, Shirley looked very guilty and I could understand why — from everything that I gathered in our last showdown with Walter, it was apparent that somewhere along the way in his wacked-out childhood, he'd deluded himself into thinking that protecting the Merines was his one true purpose in life.

"Maurits figured that Walter deserved to have a bit of a break and thought that maybe it'd be best if he stayed with us for awhile while we plan the wedding."

I whistled, impressed. "I bet he also thought that it'd be good for Wally to be around other Orerines so he wouldn't be so prejudiced all the time."

It was Shirley's turn to nod. "Basically, he's here on a sort of vacation."

For some reason, I found that very funny to hear. Walter seems like your typical workaholic and watching him chillax would be about as easy as getting Moses to bathe on a regular basis or coaxing Jay to come out of the closet. He probably doesn't even have any friends. Now that was sad. You know you're a loser when you start spending Saturday afternoons at barbecues with your mortal enemies.

Then I also remembered how gung-ho Walter had been, trying to defeat us in the past and couldn't help but wonder if he was liable to snap anytime soon and murder us all in our beds. His hatred towards Senel in particular, was pretty hardcore and having not only to temporarily coexist with Senel under a roof, but to also watch Senel marry his precious Merines in only a few days' time must be really testing Walter's rage. I nearly choked on all the irony.

"Well just as long as he takes his chill pills and refrain from going into a murderous rampage against us then I'm cool with it." I declared, walking away in search for something to nibble on when a snooty voice drifted into my ears.

"You're exactly the same as ever Norma."

I looked over and jumped.

"Eek! A talking raccoon." Which probably shouldn't have surprised me so much considering the existence of talking otters on the Legacy.

The talking raccoon puffed up in anger at the remark. "_Excuse me?" _She demanded.

"Uhh, I mean...hello Hattie....." I said slowly, gazing around shiftily. "You look... Different."

Harriet narrowed her eyes into slits and sneered unpleasantly (something she must have mastered the second she came out of her mother's womb and looked at her father).

But seriously, she really did look like a nocturnal raccoon with all that emo eyeliner. And if that wasn't enough, she was dressed all in black — black halter-top, black choker, black skirt-that-looked-more-like-a-belt, black nail polish…. even black hooker boots. Basically, she looked like a street walker. I'm surprised no one has slipped her a twenty yet. Hovering like a vulture in the background was Will who kept snatching disbelieving looks at his daughter with a lost and bewildered expression on his face. Oh the joys of raising a tween.

"What about you?" Harriet snapped her bubble gum and flipped her brown, obviously conditioned and well maintained hair over her shoulder. Her beady little eyes roamed up and down my body, taking in my beige elastic blouse and tan corduroy skirt. "Haven't quite grown out of your yellow phase, I see."

"This is _beige _not yellow." I said, tugging on my blouse for emphasis.

"It's yellow." She insisted, probably just for the sake of antagonizing someone. Unfortunately that someone had to be me.

"Beige."

"Yellow."

"Beige.

"Yellow."

"Beige.

"Yellow."

"Beige.

"Yellow."

"JJ what color is my blouse?" I snarled, whirling around to face the nearest person in my vicinity.

…..Only to find that Jay had vanished. Damn his ninja stealth! He'd probably melted into the shadows the moment I said his name.

"He would've said yellow." Harriet said, not willing to let it go. _Brat. _

Deciding to take the high road , I rolled my eyes and examined my finger nails. I, Norma Beatty, am a mature, responsible adult that wasn't going to let little twerps like Hattie get under my skin. I mean, what is with the adolescents of today? It's like they thrive on conflict. Then again, it could just be Harriet. But picking apart the deep-rooted psychological problems of Harriet's messed up little head wasn't really my cup of tea, so I just shrugged.

"Fine, fine. Whatever gets you to sleep at night." I feigned a yawn. "Really kid, I am above stuff like this." Harriet looked slightly put out and more than a little annoyed.

"Oh don't try and act all high and mighty with me Norma. You'll just embarrass yourself."

I bristled. I couldn't help it.

"Yeah well — _at least I don't have a huge disgusting zit on my face!" _I screamed, hitting her where it hurt the most since teenagers are notorious for being self-absorbed and highly self-conscious about the way they looked.

"I do not!" Harriet exclaimed, but it was a very weak exclamation with a tremor of uncertainty, so sensing weakness, I pounced.

"It's on your chin." I lied. "And it's oozing. You should pop it."

Clamping a hand over her face, Harriet ran like the wind into Senel and Shirley's house to probably find a mirror.

Heh heh.

"Norma, if you're not doing anything maybe you can help us set the table." Chloe said tersely from behind me. She was draping a checkered table cloth over a couple of tables in the garden. Beside her, Shirley was carrying a stack of plates.

"Sure sure, why not." Trotting inside the house to the kitchen, I started banging open drawers for knives and forks.

_________________________________________________

It wasn't long before everyone was settled around the two tables, talking and laughing and eating as though none of us had ever been separated in the first place. Even Thyra looked less sour as she gobbled down three helpings of Shirley's mashed potatoes. And after emerging from the house and shooting me scathing glares of which I airily waved off, Harriet seemed to have fun bossing people around into eating her potato salad. Will, in turn, was trying to get Harriet to eat more than two lettuces from her salad.

Jay was giving me strange looks too because I kept snickering while he innocently ate his hot dog. Phallic symbols for the win!

The only person who appeared not to be enjoying himself was Walter. He would just sit, in stony silence, as he methodically munched his way through his hamburger. Gadoria might've invaded and Walter would've still been sipping his juice box. Or the Apocalypse might've occurred to rein fiery judgment upon the world and Walter would've been calmly wiping his mouth with a napkin. It was like no one else around him seemed to exist. I wanted to leap across the table and slap him in the face with a fish just to see his reaction. But ultimately, I controlled myself.

That was when Shirley and Senel chose to stand up from their seats.

"Um, we have an announcement to make." Shirley stated cautiously as she exchanged meaningful glances back and forth at Senel who I swear is never more than six feet away from her.

A strange silence seemed to befall everyone then. Raising an eyebrow, I lounged back in my seat, wondering what was the cause of such a dramatic pause. Even Jay looked curious to what Shirley was about to announce which was weird because Jay knew _everything (_y'know, being Unseen and all).

"I don't know how to say it but I'll just say it anyways because - well, you're our friends and we want you to know that I - that is, Senel and I - we'll be expecting a baby soon."

There was a long drawn out silence filled with crickets chirping and the distant sound of a toilet being flushed back inside the house.

"….You've… you've got a bun in the oven?" Harriet said weakly.

Moses walked outside after his jaunt in the washroom, oblivious to the bombshell that Shirley had just dropped. "Someone say something 'bout buns?" He asked eagerly, looking around the table.

There was a sudden explosion of voices.

"Congratulations." Chloe said breathlessly, eyes like dinner plates as she rushed over to the couple.

"Thanks Chloe." Senel smiled.

Will got up to shake Senel's hand and Thyra was hugging Shirley. Jay was also saying his congratulations and Moses was just plain confused.

"Senel and I have talked about it and we want Chloe and you, Walter, as the godparents." Shirley beamed as Chloe gasped and covered her mouth with her hands and Walter sat shell-shocked and disbelieving. "…Me…?" He said uncertainly and looked up at them with an utterly lost expression and confused expression his face.

"It's a big responsibility. Think you can handle it?" Senel said to him grimly.

"Senel… Shirley…" Chloe stammered. "I... it would be an honor and a privilege. You have my word as a Knight of the Noble House of Valens that I will do everything that I can to protect this unborn child from harm---"

"HOLY SHIT YOU TWO HAVE HAD SEX?"

My voice was finally working again.

"_Norma!" _Both Will and Chloe shouted in unison. Shirley hid her face in her hands while Moses, grinned and nudged Senel in the ribs, whispering, "Senel, you dog you", which earned him a dark glare.

_Oh my God! _My mind screamed frantically. _Senel and Shirley are having a baby. Senel and Shirley are having a baby… _The simple statement danced in my head like a cracked-out tango, moving around and around until I could feel the beginnings of a headache.

"But.. But.." I looked back and forth between Senel and Shirley, about two seconds away from calling shenanigans on the whole affair. "But Senny's _asexual_. Everyone knows that! He has no libido! He doesn't get erections! He wouldn't know how to insert Slot A into Slot B if sex _came _with an instruction manual—"

"_What?" _Senel yelped, jumping up.

"And Shirl's a saint! She's purer than driven snow! She probably wears a chastity belt complete with a security code and booby traps and—"

Shirley began to shuffle slowly away.

"It's _impossible_. This had to have been an immaculate conception. Yeah that's it — Nerifes must've blessed you with the world's next Savior — "

"Norma…" Will repeated, a warning tone evident in his voice. His hand was even poised in the air as if to pimp slap me. Goodness knows I needed the sense knocked into me. But I was on a roll. Oh Nerifes, was I on a roll. I tried to stop -- I really did-- but it was like a dam had broken and there was nothing that could stem the words from gushing out of my mouth. I am a perpetual spazz, all right? So sue me.

"No way could Shirley lose her virginity before me. She's got less boobs than _I_ do!"

"All right we're leaving." Chloe stood up hastily as Thyra choked on her spit. "When the blinding shock wears off, I'm sure she'll be happy for you two." I heard Chloe reassure Shirley.

"Oh my Nessy, Senny and Shirl had pre-marital sex! They had sex and they didn't tell me!"

Everyone stared, frozen in astonishment as Chloe dragged me away in the direction of the inn, where I kept up an uninterrupted flow of intelligible mutters. Once in awhile, the words, "chastity-belt" and "asexual" could be heard.

Whatever broken path of logic I was trying to follow seemed to be confusing me. One bit distracting me from another and so forth — there were definitely way too many things running through my mind.


	3. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two**_

* * *

It's not that I _intentionally _blow things out of proportion. Contrary to popular belief, I don't enjoy being known as a drama queen. Most of the time, I don't even mean to make people uncomfortable. It just happens. Some people are talented at singing. Or playing the kazoo.

I'm good at running my mouth.

It doesn't matter what type of news I'm hit by - whether it be as life-altering as Senel and Shirley doing the horizontal mambo or as mind-numbingly boring as everything that comes out of Will's piehole --- I say the first thing that pops into my head. It's always been like that. I should have a sign on my forehead saying _CAUTION: No Filter Between Brain and Mouth._

But in my defense, I was just saying out loud what everyone else was thinking. Senel and Shirley getting jiggy with it deserved at least a decorum of freaking-out time (Senel! Shirley! Jiggy!_). _And after all, this is _me_ were talking about here --- the same motor mouth who talks about Chloe's rack like theyre sacred relics of the saints --- they _had_ to have known beforehand how I'd react and if they didn't, well then they're not very good friends, are they? Hah! My logic _wins._

Chloe was right though, when she said how I'd be happy for them when the blinding shock wore off and I was substantially less hysterical about Senel and Shirley _getting down with it_. Can you believe it? They're going to have a little blonde, blue-eyed kid whose going to inherit Shirley's bad whistling skills and Senel's tendency to sleep in. I'm going to be an _aunt. _The kind of aunt who gets plastered each holiday, providing the family with endless stories but who takes her niece or nephew to their first rock concert and whatnot. It was kind of exciting. And between me and Chloe, I would definitely be the hip aunt. No offence, but seriously, just look at me.

I have cool written all over me.

"I don't want to alarm you or anything C, but there's a dude taking a dump outside our window."

Chloe's head popped out through the bathroom doorway, toothbrush sticking out the side of her mouth, a disgusted look painted on her face.

"I _told_ you not to open the blinds."

"Ewwwww, now he's wiping his ass with ---"

__

"Norma! I don't want to hear this!"

The garden below our window was bathed in the morning sunlight, but it wasn't the scent of early jasmine, the sound of some twittering birds, or the sight of pretty flowers that drew my attention. Looking straight down from our second-story window was a man. A strange half-naked man using some rose bushes as a toilet. That was just wrong on so many levels. Obviously, Moses had received permission from Lady Musette to let him and his boys stay in town for the wedding. So now we've got no choice but to watch shameless, unkempt bandits demonstrate their complete and utter lack of understanding about the delicate concept of common courtesy. Trust me when I say that this was _not_ how I wanted to start my day. Or any day for that matter. But this is the kind of stuff that happens when you get too chummy with bandits and let them camp out all around your town. You witness things. _Barbaric_ things.

When I woke up this morning, Chloe was already up getting ready for the glorious start in the tantalizing journey that is Senel and Shirleys Epic Wedding of utter Epicness. We were sharing a twin bed room in the local inn that we pre-booked since Will had the misfortune of already having _Harriett_ living with him, enough said, and Senel's house was already overcrowded with the frightening blondeness of both Walter and Thyra.

After I finally managed to tear my gaze away from the appalling sight, Chloe and I made our way over to Shirley and Senel's place. The former had invited us over for a small get-together since there was now only five more days until the wedding and we had yet to understand what a part-Orerines, part-Ferines, part-Oreseron wedding entailed. On the way there we walked by a couple of more bandits passed out on park benches. One was half-heartedly swatting away some little kid who kept poking him in the ribs with a stick. It was a sign of how special the town of Werites Beacon was, that its inhabitants did not even bat an eye at waking up in the morning and seeing bandits parked on their lawns, using their sprinklers to shower off. Very special indeed.

So long story short, Shirley forgave me for the spazz attack after I admitted how rude and immature and just a tad creepy I was last night. Senel however, as he was leaving his house this morning all decked out in his battle gear, was totally giving me the cold shoulder which he _knew_ I couldn't stand because of my pathological need to be the center of attention. I tried kicking him in the shin but my aim was off and I slammed my toes against his thick metal anklets instead and had to hop around in pain for the next five bloody minutes while Senel stood watching and smirked. What a jerk. Shirley could do _so _much better.

Speaking of Shirley, I can't believe how I didn't notice she was pregnant earlier! The girl was scarfing down cocktail wieners faster than you could say _knocked up_. And now that I'm aware she's carrying another life inside her, I can totally tell that she's gotten pretty pudgy around the middle, which is kind of surprising since she's still only in her first trimester. Jay and his otter family were also there, sitting around the dining table sipping tea. Beside them, a bored looking Harriet was snapping her gum and flipping through a magazine. Thyra was there too, shuffling papers and scribbling down notes and stuff.

The weirdest thing was not the trio of talking otters having tea in the kitchen, Jay taking a break from his stalking business, the fact that Harriet was reading, or Thyra's obsessive wedding-planning however --- no, it was the sight of Walter sewing by hand.

_Sewing. _I kid you not.

"You sew?" I asked him in a very casual voice as I exchanged disturbed looks at Chloe while we sat down at the table across from him and Thyra.

Very slowly, Walter looked up from the blue shimmery fabric gathered on his lap and stared at me balefully until I couldn't humanely stand it any longer and looked away. Again, very slowly, Walter lowered his gaze and resumed his stitching as I scrubbed my eyes furiously with my knuckles, trying to get rid of the burning sensation of his Evil Eye.

"Walter is making my wedding dress." Shirley helpfully supplied as if that simple statement didn't make the entire situation any less odd. Then she lowered her face and shovelled a carton of cookie dough ice cream into her eager mouth. Jeeze, _pace yourself_ girl.

I tried to make sense of it all --- Walter, a seamstress?? But then I just gave up, and made peace with the fact that Walter must be very secure in his masculinity.

"In a _Ferines Wedding_," boomed Thyra's voice, making me jump, "the bride is dressed in blue as a symbol of peace and prosperity, as well as new beginnings."

"How delightful." Quppo said, "I'm sure the dress will look even more beautiful once Senel comes back with the necessary items." At our confused looks, he leaned forward towards Chloe and I and explained, "in our custom, the bride wears the crown of a Mighty One, the fur of a Big Foot and the fang of a Really Really Huge Demon her betrothed has all slain."

Thyra glared.

Quppo smiled.

"Explain to me the point in wearing those _things _again?" Thyra scornfully asked.

"They're a sign of strength, vitality and good faith." Quppo said as if that was a no-brainer.

"No, I mean Shirley and Senel aren't even Oresoren! It's completely unnecessary."

"Senel and Shirley's eyes are strong. Their eyes show _great_ determination and ---"

"What does that even _mean_ ---"

"What's a Really Really Huge Demon?" Chloe cut in hastily as we all gazed in concern at the bulging vein popping out from Thyra's neck.

"Let me guess --- it's really, really huge." I piped up.

"Yes!" Pippo exclaimed. "It's a truly heinous monster that prowls underground caverns and drinks the blood of the living."

"I hope Senel will be okay." Shirley murmured, pausing mid-scoop from the ice cream carton she cradled in her hands to cast a worried glance out the window. Chloe also look troubled. Needless to say, it was all very inappropriate because, _newsflash! _Senel is a douche bag.

"Yes if it's as heinous as you say, he's going to need all the help he can get." Chloe said, going into knight-mode and about two seconds away from popping out a set of nads between her legs.

"That's unnecessary." Walter - _gasp _- spoke for the first time, whose nimble fingers stilled at the mention of Senel battling bloodthirsty demons.

Chloe faltered. "Excuse me?"

"I'm sure Senel can handle the monsters on his own." There was a hopeful glimmer within Walter's baby-blue eyes (making him look fifty times more blonde-licious, I might add). Yeah! Let Senel handle ridiculously large monsters alone! I had to privately agree with Walter's sentiments - my toe was still throbbing after all.

"Well I don't." Chloe stated simply, and frowned. Obviously, she had yet to learn that her need to desperately seek any opportunity to help others could just suck it.

"It's all right Chloe. Will and Moses are with Senel too, so he isn't alone." Jay assured her.

Chloe grudgingly relaxed in her seat, and Walter looked disappointed. So did I for that matter. A rather awkward we-have-major-cultural-differences silence ensued.

"Soo about that wedding..." I ventured.

It was all Thyra needed to begin a very long-winded explanation about the wedding arrangements, including everybodys exact roles in it, the color scheme, how we're going to meld everyone's customs seamlessly together into this Epic Wedding and of course, how the hell we're going to cram all the Ferines, Oresoren and the inhabitants of Werites Beacon together for the ceremony and reception. It felt like being in one of Jay's battle plans again, as we huddled together over Thyra's strategic diagrams and elaborate charting. It was also very exhausting, which is really saying something since I _have_ discovered a legendary jewel that could grant its user any wish imaginable, taught myself an ancient nearly-forgotten language _and_ helped save the world --- all before I was nineteen --- but those activities had nothing on Thyra's flip-chart.

When I stop to think about it, I've done more with my life than most have accomplished in a lifetime. Which brings up the noteworthy fact that I also cured an old man of his blindness when I _could've _used the wish on more important but less selfless things --- _like bigger boobs. _And yes, I _am_ still kicking myself over that. Then again, in doing so, I also gave said old man a second chance at living life to the fullest. It's amazing what the regaining of sight can do for a geezer. Last I heard, Zamaran was sailing around the world on his new baby the _S.S. Svenster _(I named it myself). He's also climbed a mountain, swum with sharks, and shot a bear. Not bad for an eighty year old, I must say.

Thyra ostentatiously slapped her pointing stick at the bolded letters **Location: Fallen Lands **on the large flip-chart beside her. ("You mean the Quiet Lands? A place said to have been visited by the legendary Oresoren hero, Capoeiracco?" Quppo interjected. "Grrrr," went Thyra).

"At 1600 hours, all guests shall be escorted to the Werites Lighthouse." Thyra barked like a drill sergeant. "Using the elevator, we can get around two dozen people at a time underneath the Legacy."

"There are monsters crawling all over the Quiet Lands." Chloe pointed out sceptically. "What if a giant Fortress Turtle suddenly decides to gate crash the processional?"

Thyra smiled and I knew somewhere, a puppy had just died.

"Oh there won't be any gate crashers." She informed her coolly.

And you know what? We all believed her too.

"I've also taken the liberty of writing out everyone's schedule for the big day." Thyra added and started passing each of us fifty-inch thick novels. "Make sure you follow it to a 't' and everything will work out perfectly."

I briefly skimmed down my list and wondered if this was all a joke (0900 - _Wake up. Eat breakfast_. 1400 - _Do hair and make-up_.) One look at Thyra's rigid face though, and I realized that she had about as much of a chance at cracking jokes than Walter and Jay suddenly busting out and doing the cha-cha together. Can you believe it? She`s starting to make _Will_ seem cool.

..Wait. I did a double-take. She even scheduled time for me to use the _bathroom. _What is up with that?

"Give a Best Man's Toast?" Chloe read out loud dejectedly, after skipping ahead to the reception portion of her time-line.

Poppo raised his hand, confused. "Mine just says die."

"Mine too." Said the two other brothers.

"This is stupid." Harriett declared as everything shuffled their feet and secretly agreed.

"The ceremony," Thyra loudly exclaimed, in order to drown out everyone else's voices, "will be held on the seashore and will commence at approximately 1700 hours."

"Hold on!" I said, pointing to my schedule. "At 1700, mine says 'Fight Senel'. Not that I'm complaining but that can't be part of the wedding can it?"

At this, Thyras face grew very stony and she shot Quppo, Pippo and Poppo her dirtiest look yet. Obviously, their cuteness factor had no effect on her. Her heart truly must be made of stone indeed. Before she could explain, Jay cut in after shooting Thyra his own dirty glare.

"In an Oresoren wedding, the groom must be willing to prove he is a worthy mate by challenging the bride to a fight and winning."

"WHAT?" Both Chloe and Walter stood up at the exact same time and shoved their faces so far into Jay's personal space, he grimaced and tried to lean back.

"You can't be serious! Shirley is pregnant!"

"Are you insane, she is in _no _condition to _fight ---"_

"Hence why Norma will be taking Shirley's place." Jay replied calmly, although he looked irritated at having to pull out his handkerchief to wipe their spit from his face.

"But I'm not the one marrying Senel!" I screech in panic. Of its own accord, my brain flashed to images of a future where I was Mrs. Norma Coolidge. A future where Senel had a moustache and I was fat and had three screaming, wailing kids clinging to my legs, with crazy-ass white hair and snot running down their faces.

"No you're not," Jay agreed, "but in the case where the bride can't fight, she can appoint her near-sister to act in her stead. Since Shirley is indeed pregnant, and we would like to do this ancient ritual justice --- as Shirley's Maid of Honor, you are the equivalent version of her near-sister."

I blinked and glanced over at Shirley. She smiled back at me half-apologetically with chunks of cookie all over her teeth. Gawd, the things I do for that chick. Like the time I rescued her from ninjas. And bandits. And Vaclav. And Nerifes knows who else in the near future because let's face it -- I love Shirley but she's the _dictionary's definition _of a damsel in distress.

Chloe and Walter no longer looked so concerned and settled back into their seats, the jerks. Walter's gaze kept flickering back and forth from his sewing to Shirleys belly though, and Chloe had somehow positioned herself beside Shirley's chair in an awkward angle, giving her the split-second advantage of possibly throwing herself across Shirley's lap in the unlikely likelihood that a masked assailant would break in and stab Shirley multiple times in the stomach.

They were definitely taking their roles as godparents way too seriously.

"All right bring it on." I agreed. "I'll just zap Senny with a couple of Thunder Arrows and then---"

"Weapons and spells are prohibited." Jay added.

My jaw dropped at the unfairness of it all.

"But I'm a Crystal Eren!" I protested. Without my spells, I wouldn't stand a chance against Senel's fists of fury. "He's going beat me to a bloody pulp!"

"He's _supposed_ to beat you to a bloody pulp," Harriet said nastily, "if he wants to marry Shirley."

"Can I at least keep my straw?" I appealed to the Oresoren directly. I'll be the first to admit that my choice in weaponry was unconventional at best, but Shirley's quill and Grune's urn and Will's humongous-hammer-that-he-never-uses-just-lugs-around-in-a-desperate-bid-to-show-off-for-the-ladies are also really weird weapons and hardly anyone ever points that out. At least _my_ straw doubles as a party trick.

All three otters formed a huddle and muttered amongst themselves. Finally, Quppo looked up and nodded yes.

Well that's something. Now I'll be able to lose to Senel with _style._

As we quickly learn next, the Ferines' idea of a wedding didn't do much better in the weirdo department (but that's cultural bias for you). Firstly, instead of holding flowers, the bridesmaids are supposed to carry these huge honkin' parasols in front of the bride in order to shelter her from evil or in Thyra's words: divert misfortune.

Secondly, the entire ceremony is completely and utterly silent. And I mean _silent. _No one is allowed to talk or cry or pass gas (three things which right away, you can just _tell_ that Moses wouldn't be able to pull off). Basically, the bride and groom end up kneeling in water and praying to Nerifes for his blessing until sparkly lights appear in the water to indicate that yes, Nerifes deems you a worthy match (although, you'd think the Rite of Feriyen would already confirm you of this fact).

Oh, and while they're praying, the four closest female relatives to the bride (which will translate to Thyra, Chloe, Harriett and me) are supposed to swim with our parasols around the couple --- apparently to form a protective ring or something (called the Dance of the Sea), and aren't allowed to stop until the lights start sparkling. That's all well and good for the Ferines since they can breathe underwater and swimming is like walking to them, but what does that leave the rest of us Orerines folk? Chloe began hyperventilating at the mere _mention _of kneeling in water. Can you imagine what she'd be like trying to swim around Shirley and Senel for a couple of minutes? And what about me? After Senel makes minced meat out of me during our fight, how will I be able to stay afloat? Obviously there are gaping holes that needed to be mended.

"Chloe doesn't know how to swim." I interjected in the middle of Thyra describing how newly husband and wife are then joined together by rope, his left hand to her right hand, and are to remain bound like that for the duration of the evening, indicating that they'll remain linked to one another for the rest of their days. (Whether or not that sounds particularly romantic or depressing depends entirely upon your viewpoint).

"You can't _swim?" _Walter said in a tone that was half-disbelief and half-disgust. I might as well have announced that Chloe needed breathing lessons from the way Walter was looking at her.

Chloe was humiliated. "I can _a little..." _She trailed off defensively.

"Either you can swim or you can't." Thyra said shortly, folding her arms and looking down at Chloe both literally and figuratively. Clearly Thyra considered her to be the weakest link.

"She sinks like an anchor." I said and ignored the annoyed look Chloe sent my way. She always did take her weaknesses way too seriously.

"It's okay if Chloe doesn't swim." Shirley stated and I could hear Chloe breathe a sigh of relief.

Thyra shook her head adamantly. "We need _four _females to complete the Dance of the Sea. To keep the bad spirits away." There was a manic glint in her eye and everyone could sense that she would have a cow if everything didn't go as exactly as she'd planned it. Sheesh, you'd think it was _her_ wedding with the way she was hung up over every little detail.

"What if someone gives her some swimming lessons before the wedding?" Jay suggested.

"Well _I_ certainly don't have the time." Thyra snapped. "And neither does Shirley. We already have enough on our plate planning this wedding as it is."

"Don't look at me." Harriet said and made a face.

"We can teach you Chloe!" Poppo exclaimed cheerfully. "Just kick with your hind feet, and move your tail at the same time."

"She doesn't have a tail." I reminded him.

"Oh yeah..."

"Maybe Senel or Moses can?" Shirley ventured.

"We probably can't expect Senel and the others to be back for another three days at most." Jay said evenly. "Do you know how rare a Really Really Huge Demon is?"

I could tell that Chloe was getting steadily more embarrassed and ashamed at holding up the wedding planning due to her lack of swimming ability. She really hates feeling incompetent.

"It's really not that big of a deal." Chloe protested weakly, avoiding everyones gaze. "I can manage just fine."

If by "fine" you mean drowning at a wedding in front of a gazillion guests while executing the most pathetic pile-o-crap dance ever, then sure. Yeah, we believe you.

"How can you not know how to swim." Walter continued to voice his disbelief, as he expertly threaded his needle in and out of the piece of cloth he was working on. Chloe flushed and bristled in self-defense so I decided it was time to rescue her from any further humiliation.

"Relax C, I can teach you." I give her a little reassuring pat on the arm. "I'm not the best but I'm a pretty decent doggy-paddler." Either way, none of us were going to look half as graceful frolicking in the water as Thyra would be.

By then, people were getting tired and cranky so a break was called. I leaned back in my chair and heaved a huge sigh, trying to absorb all these hectic responsibilities I was given.

This week was going to be insane. I have to help Chloe get over her dislike for large bodies of water, fulfill the maid of honor duties Thyra will allow me do, find enough footage for our wedding gift, and mentally prepare myself for the duel against Senel. Not to mention find someone for Chloe to fall in love with --- which at this point, is rapidly becoming a distant dream. There are literally no guys I can think of worth Chloe bothering with. I might as well just give up now because there is no way she was compatible with any red-blooded male in this whole town. Or ship for that matter. Pathetic! It was like... like....

At that exact moment, something incredible happened.

The clouds parted and a ray of sunlight slid past the blinds and hit Walter, who was directly facing the window, in such a way that his entire body appeared to glow. His blonde hair shone like a golden halo, and his eyes sparkled like bright blue stars. With his pale skin nearly translucent in the surrounding light and the sun somehow softening his outline and gentling his features, he looked like a sexually ambiguous angel come to answer my prayers.

It was so genius. So perfect. Why hadn't I seen it before?

A chorus of hallelujahs and angelic voices rang through my head at the sudden epiphany I was experiencing.

Boo.

Freaking.

__

Yeah.


End file.
